Monday, June 15, 2009

News Dumpage!

So, Kyle is finally done with school, so after a month of no blogging, Kyle is back. Not in black, however, as I am shirtless at the moment. Let that image sink in. As Kavi would say..."ooh..kinky!"

Anywho, so what has happened politically in the last month? A whole frickin' ton of poo has happened, that's what.

Cuba has come an inch closer to being with the rest of the world, as North Korea has taken a plunge in the opposite direction. The list of those pissed at North Korea includes: South Korea, Japan, China, Russia, the USA, the EU, the UN, Chuck Norris, and the rest of the world. Somewhere Kim Jung Il is laughing to himself because he doesn't have any friends.

Obama gave another big speech. He seems to do that a lot. The one I am talking about was on new Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor...or was it on his new health care plan? Oh no, this one was on Israel and the Middle East. He had some stern words for Israel.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
Oh wait, I think I got Obama confused with Samuel L. Jackson again. He actually said something about Israel needing to stop putting settlements in the West Bank. Benjamin Netanyahu just said he was okay with that, but Netanyahu is kind of a hard-ass, so don't get too excited. I need to see the goods first before I'm sold.


In other news, Sarah Palin is in a vicious verbal brawl with comedian David Letterman. While I don't think Letterman's jokes were very funny, Palin is trying to play the victim at a point when nobody cares. Here is a little taste of the fight:
She also said Letterman’s joke that she looked like a “slutty flight attendant” as “pretty pathetic”. Letterman in the above response said he thought the flight attendant joke was actually pretty good.
I promise this is the first of many new posts to come. Have a great day!

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I Was Right! w/ UPDATE!

A day after my horrendous box office projection for "The Hangover", I aced my NBA finals prediction: Lakers in 5 games, Kobe Bryant Finals MVP.

And I just beat Kyle in fantasy baseball this week. Things are looking up...

UPDATE: Kavi is kind of a dick, and no Kavi, you cannot have Aubrey Huff!

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

I Was Wrong


I predicted that "The Hangover" would be a big hit and gross a total of $83 million dollars this summer. In 8 days, it's already made that amount. Impressive.

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Friday, June 5, 2009

June Movie Preview Part 1

It's already Friday afternoon but I'm going to crank this out. It has been long-gestating in my mind. These previews of the major films that are going to be released in the month of June.

The Film Fratboys Will Be Endlessly Quoting in the Fall:
The Hangover

Like Tropic Thunder last year, Superbad from two years ago, and Wedding Crashers from four years ago, The Hangover will be an extremely funny movie enjoyed by all people between the ages of 16 and 30. But it will suffer from overexposure as college freshmen across the United States will begin a continuous stream of dialogue recitation and scene recollections from the film until Christmas.

(Sample Exchange)
Fratboy #1: "Dude, did you see The Hangover?"
Fratboy #2: "Yeah, remember the part when Mike Tyson punches the guy in the face while listening to Elton John?"
Fratboy #1: "Yeah! That was awesome! Kegstand woohoo!"

The Hangover is from director Todd Phillips of Old School fame, which is now regarded as a our generation's Animal House. Since then, Phillips made the pretty-good Starsky and Hutch and the crap School for Scoundrels, but now he has a chance to reclaim former glory with another all-out, R-rated raunchfest with underrated comedic talent. Old School uncorked Vince Vaughn's comedic gifts (see his IMDB credits before it) and raised Will Ferrell from Saturday Night Live has-been to the decade's iconic funnyman.


Similarly, The Hangover stars several familiar comedic veterans that have been sidelined as supporting players for most of their careers. Bradley Cooper had great parts in Yes Man and Wedding Crashers, but he was not the lead role. Ed Helms is known from his brilliance on "The Office" and "The Daily Show" but he's always second-fiddle at best. The third lead is Zach Galifianakis, an obese, bearded mountain-man famous for his Comedy Central stand-up and Kanye West music videos. The man is hilarious but has never been given a proper chance on the big screen.

Overall, The Hangover is sure to be a wonderful movie that will rightfully steer the careers of the three leads. The studio has so much faith in the movie's success that a sequel is already in the works. See it just so you know what everyone's going to be referencing in the fall.

Prediction: $83 million gross

The Film Where Will Ferrell Runs Around and Shouts

Land of the Lost

We've all seen it before and the trailer promises more. Just like Talladega Nights and Anchorman, Will Ferrell is a loveable goof who happens to be very good at his job. And somehow, he'll end up running and shouting inane things, with or without clothes on. This time he's Dr. Rick Marshall who is transplanted into an alternate dimension/universe/something. The film is taken from the 1974 TV series of the same name that I had never heard of before.



Hopefully, with the addition of the lovely Anna Friel from "Pushing Daises" and last year's breakthrough star Danny McBride, there will be enough fresh faces to make the film worthwhile. Sadly, I predict that this will be the first big flop of the summer. From the trailer, it seems to be to slapstick for adults and too rude for children. And I'll give you $5 for every person you know that watched the original TV series and feels nostalgic for it.

Prediction: A paltry $60 million (for such a big-budget movie)

The End of the Road for Jack Black and Michael Cera

Year One

Hollywood must think that audiences are really stupid. They have actors repeat a certain character or slight variation of a character, churning out movies until they are no longer profitable.

Subject #1: Michael Cera
On the big screen, Cera was the go-to guy for innocent, awkward teenagers since his role in Superbad. But take away that and his bit part in Juno and what's left? Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, where he plays the exact same character. And it was a flop, because audiences are already sick of his limited range. Now think about we legions of "Arrested Development" devotees who grew with the exact same characterizations with George Michael Bluth for three years?

The trailer for Year One doesn't promise anything different for Cera. The same stammering around women, the same sensitivity, and the same mild outbursts of anger. I love you Mike, but you're time is ending. Find some other character to play or you'll be finished. Although I do have hope for you in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Subject #2: Jack Black
As Barry, John Cusack's obnoxious-yet-delightful record store employee, Black's incredible energy and knack for comedy came out of the blue in High Fidelity. This blend of high-energy incompetence successfully continued for Jack Black in Saving Silverman and Orange County, until he finally nabbed a proper lead role in School of Rock(Shallow Hal doesn't count). This was the pinnacle of Jack Black's career as a good-natured oaf; subsequent attempts, such as Nacho Libre, have tanked.

Again, from the trailer for Year One it looks like Jack Black will royally screw up but will have to muster the courage to save the day. Black will survive, due to his non-acting talents (he's in a famous band!) and strong performances in ensemble pictures, when he's not the lead, such as Tropic Thunder and King Kong(he was good!).

I'm not going to go in detail about the plot, as I'm sure you've seen a preview by now. The director is Harold Ramis (glasses guy in Ghostbusters) but he hasn't made a good film since Groundhog Day(1993). The success obviously hinges on whether or not viewers will be willing to see Cera and Black do their same tired routines, but the film has other positive factors. There's the interesting, unconventional plot that may jab at Christianity and receive some controversy. Also there's the strength of the unnaturally awesome costars: David Cross(Tobias!), Paul Rudd, Hank Azaria, Olivia Wilde(Thirteen on "House"), and Vinnie Jones(Bullet Tooth Tony). This could go either way.

Prediction: $54 million, because I think audiences are done with them.

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Thursday, June 4, 2009

NBA Finals Prediction

I almost forgot to do this:

With 7:09 left in the 3rd quarter of game one

What I hope will happen: Magic in 7 games, Rashard Lewis Finals MVP

What will really happen: Lakers in 5 games, Kobe Bryant Finals MVP

Peace.

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

India Fun Facts!

I would like to share some fascinating tidbits about India with you:

MTV India doesn't play any music videos either.

For denizens, it's not "hot" until its 120 degrees.

Shave, haircut and delightful head massage: $1

Long cricket matches have a mandatory timeout for "tea time".

Department store employees don't smile. It is sad.

Wearing plaid shorts in public will cause people to stare at you.

It is safer to swim across a river infested with rabid crocodiles than to drive a vehicle in Indian traffic.

Everybody drinks chai and eats mangoes all the time.

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Broadcast TV - Poll Recap

You were asked which broadcast network you most regularly watch. These results are going to be interesting, since the average demographic of this blog is presumed to lie between the ages of 18-49, which is also the demographic most sought after by advertisers.

Example: CSI is the most watched scripted (non-reality) show on television. Yet, advertisers would be more inclined towards its Thursday 9pm rival "The Office", which has a very high amount of 18-49 viewers. Thus, CSI's success among old retired people is irrelevant.

ABC - 22%

Understandable, as ABC makes it a point to attract viewers across all demographics. You have "LOST" for all ages, "Grey's Anatomy" for under-30 women, "Scrubs" for twentysomethings, and "Desperate Housewives" for middle-aged homemakers.



CBS- 0%

Interesting result, since CBS is widely known as "America's most watched network." Yet everyone who watches redundant crime procedurals such as "CSI" and its various iterations tends to be older. Young people don't want to see the same solve-a-murder-within-60-minutes TV show each week.


NBC - 33%

This makes the most sense. NBC has shows skewed directly towards the 18-49 demographic, especially its entire Thursday night lineup with "The Office" and "30 Rock." They're too unconventional for older generations, but they fit perfectly with our generations comedy tastes: a mixture of subtle and physical humor with no laugh track. Additionally, shows like "Heroes" and "Chuck" have low overall ratings but are big hits among university age folk.



FOX - 22%


"American Idol" is watched by over 21 million people. FOX brilliantly programs off-beat shows right after the reality juggernaut in order to boost their ratings. This has created a consistent viewership in shows like "House" and "Bones, and more recently, "Fringe." Now if FOX could put "Dollhouse" after Idol next year...And there's always "Family Guy" and "The Simpsons," both beloved by college-age kids.

PBS - 22%

Liars! Just because you want to look smart...

CW - 0%

The only people who watch the CW are college freshman who love "Gossip Girl." And none of them read this blog.

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